Social Support

Breastfeeding is more than a way to feed a baby, it becomes a lifestyle. While no one but the baby's mother can provide breast milk, it is helpful for the mother and the baby if the father, family, or significant others encourage this healthy relationship.

Responding to Lack of Support from Family
Ways to prevent Criticism about Breastfeeding
Responding to Criticism about Breastfeeding
For Fathers
Resources and Additional Information

Responding to Lack of Support from Family

Your partner, family members, and/or significant others can be an important source of emotional nourishment while you are breastfeeding your baby. Explaining that you need their support can be difficult, especially if they have expressed resistance or indifference to the idea of you breastfeeding. Here are some strategies for effectively communicating your need for support to loved ones.

Try Using These Phrases

• “I feel (angry, hurt, etc.) when...”
• “Having your support means so much to me.”
• “I know that you care very much about the baby. I've thoroughly researched the topic and feel comfortable with my decision. I'd be glad to share my info with you.”
• “I think we need to keep sight of our goal here, which is the baby's well-being.”

Try These Practical Tactics

• Explain the important benefits of breastfeeding. Bring your family members or significant others to your visits to learn more about breastfeeding.
• Explain that they won't have to get up in the middle of the night to make bottles.
• Explain that it would cost over $300 a month to pay for breast milk substitutes.
• Explain that breastfeeding will give the child the best start at life.

Sibling Issues

Older children have to adjust to the time mom spends caring for the new sibling. In the beginning, the time spent nursing the new baby may prompt some jealousy or acting out. Here are a few tips for helping the big brother or sister:

• Buy your older child a doll so that he (or she) can feed "his baby" at the same time you are feeding yours
• Be matter-of-fact and explain to your older child that breastfeeding is the way the baby gets the food she needs.
• Set aside a basket of special toys that the older child only plays with while mom and baby are breastfeeding.
• Some parents save videotapes of favorite shows to pop into the VCR when baby needs to be fed and the older sibling needs attention.
• • Over time, you will become coordinated enough to nurse the baby while cuddling and reading to the older child.
• Use your baby's nap time to do something special with your older child.
• Allow time for adjustment!

Ways to Prevent Criticism:

• Be discreet if at all possible.
• Don't start a discussion you don't really want to have.
• Avoid issues where you anticipate disagreement. Focus instead on areas where you have something in common.
• Offer an explanation of why you do things before you are asked, in a gentle way, letting others know how happy you and your baby are.
• Be sure you offer permission for others to do things differently.
• Appear confident and happy with the way you do things, even if you have a moment of doubt. Don't express doubts to people who don't agree with you.

Responding to Criticism about Breastfeeding

If you know you will be in a situation where your actions will be criticized, prepare ahead of time by practicing some of these responses. Create your own as needed. Practicing the responses you prefer in front of a mirror or with an understanding friend will help you to be more confident. When you are in the situation, pause a moment and take a deep, relaxing breath before answering. Your attitude and tone of voice can make a world of difference in how people accept your responses.

• Validate the experience of your critics before asserting your own. “I’m glad that bottle-feeding worked well for you and your baby, but....”
• Explain that the decision to breastfeed is an individual family decision. “This works for our family in our situation, but it might not work for you.”
• Back up your response with medical evidence. “The American College of Nurse-Midwives states that…” or “The American Academy of Pediatrics believes...”

Avoid Pessimists
Discouragement can come from family members, friends or even professionals. It's easier to breastfeed if your family is supportive. But if they're not, find a support person who has breastfed, and join a local support group if there's one available." Visit the Resources area for support groups.

When you interview your baby's prospective doctor or nurse practitioner, ask about breastfeeding. Ask a female if she breastfed, and for how long. Ask a male if his wife breastfed. Ask health care professionals how they deal with breastfeeding problems. Do they suggest working with lactation specialists?

Hopefully, the hospital staff will support your decision to breastfeed, but if not, you can still successfully nurse your child. As Tammy Edwards of Auburn, Neb., discovered, "When my daughter was born the staff was not very supportive of my decision to breastfeed. They gave her bottles and only brought her to me at hospital-designated times. I left the hospital as soon as my doctor OK'd my dismissal. It was a little harder, but after a day or two at home Alicia adjusted to breastfeeding with no problems." Be confident in your decision, and show that confidence. If people discourage you, just smile and say, "I've made had the decision that's best for me and my baby. I'm confident I'm doing the right thing." Cindy Circo, mother of two from Columbus, Neb., relates, "When I heard discouraging remarks, sometimes I got mad but mostly I just listened (or pretended to), and moved on. When you know you're doing what is right for you and your baby, it doesn't matter what people say or think about that decision."

For Fathers

As a father, you have and important role in the life of a breastfeeding mother. Becoming involved in your partner’s breastfeeding education can help to alleviate her fears and reservations, as well as your own.

How Can I be More Supportive of my Breastfeeding Partner or Family Member?
The most important thing that you con do to help your partner is to support her in her decision to breastfeed and help her avoid outside negative influences from extended family and friends or when nursing in public.

• Offer your partner comfort measures such as a drink, a footstool or a pillow to use while nursing.
• Burp baby after a feeding.
• Change baby's diaper or bathe baby.
• Care for baby while your partner naps or showers.
• Help your partner feel positive by affirming her mothering, her beauty and your love for her; offer a massage and show plenty of affection.
• Be realistic in your expectations, acknowledging that adjusting to parenthood can be overwhelming.
• Assist with or take over household responsibilities such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, or washing dishes.
• Sterilize breast pumps and bottles.
• When baby awakens for middle of the night feedings, bring baby to your partner.

My baby will bond with my partner at each nursing. How can I achieve that same level of closeness?
Performing daily activities with your baby that are reserved for you alone will produce a special bond between you and your child. Take a walk or spend some time alone with your baby. Try making it a habit to be the one to burp your baby after your partner nurses. Your baby will become accustomed to being comforted by your body. Showering or bathing with baby (after the umbilical cord has fallen off) is also a great way to form a closeness between the two of you. Should your baby need to learn to take breast milk from a bottle, you are the best person to offer the first bottle.

How will breastfeeding affect our sex life?
Parenthood affects your sex life-regardless of whether your partner breastfeeds. Exhaustion and lack of free time may have a dampening affect on your intimacy. Planned get-togethers are helpful; romantic words and gestures go a long way to create an amorous mood.

There is no harm in handling your partner's breasts during sex. As they are functioning to produce milk, they may occasionally be somewhat tender and can leak or spray milk when stimulated. Realize, however, that some women seem to get their "daily touching quota" through nursing and may wish to avoid excessive touching of the breasts during sex. Some fathers feel uncomfortable, too, because they perceive that the role of the breasts has changed. Talk about your feelings with your partner, and avoid activity that makes either of you uncomfortable. The shape of a woman's breasts may change, but this is due to pregnancy, not breastfeeding.

Sources: wwwlalecheleague.org, An Easy Guide to Breastfeeding for African-American Women, www.nursingmothersnetwork.org, The ABC’s of Breastfeeding, http://www.midwife.org/focus/health/abcbreastfeeding.cfm

Resources for Additional Information

• http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug99p116.html A wonderful article called "Responding to Criticism" from La Leche League's magazine for families, NEW BEGINNINGS. The chart at the end of the article summarizes five methods for responding.